results of the 2004 election send many different messages to
many different people. Here are but a few that I've
intercepted recently aimed mainly at Democrats.
Michael Moore: Sit down and shut
up... and do something about your hair.
Tom Daschle: If you lean too far to
the left, voters will tend to lean right for a while, but will
eventually push you out of the boat.
Al Gore: Please, sir, before it's
too late... seek an experienced mental health professional.
Dan Rather: Enjoy your early
the DNC: Your platform must not
have leaned far enough to the left. Keep it moving
leftward. Read Marx as a refresher.
Bill Clinton: Thanks for hitting
the campaign trail for Kerry. Some of us needed the
reminder of what we were trying to avoid.
Hillary Clinton: Congratulations,
the guy you voted for won.
the MTV Kidz: Vote or die - or not.
Like, whatever, dude.
John Edwards: Can you give Michael
Moore some advice on grooming?
Bruce Springsteen, James Taylor, Bono,
etc.: We still like your music, but if you ever want to
sell another record, keep your Leftist politics out of it.
George Soros: Want to buy an
election? Not in *MY* America, you monomaniacal,
the Mainstream Media:
Congratulations on getting Kerry at least thirty more electoral
votes than he would have gotten without your (c)overt support.
Imagine how bad he would have lost if you were actually
the United Nations: Your worst
nightmare will continue for another four years. Deal with
the Exit Pollsters: As long as you
keep skewing the results in an attempt to influence the
election, we'll keep lying to you. If you quit, so will
Osama bin Laden: Bring it on,
@%$*&$#. What's that? The only attack you can muster
now is on videotape? Hmm... No surprise there, I guess.
the European Union: See message for
Terry McAuliffe: See message for
MoveOn.org: See message for George
finally, to John Kerry: Thank you
for reporting for duty. You are hereby dismissed.