For many years, when it came to
politics, the wackiest place in the Union was always the great
State of Louisiana, home of Huey and Earl Long—two of the most
colorful politicians ever to put their names on a ballot.
Louisiana was the state that hosted a gubernatorial race between
a convicted felon (former Governor Edwin Edwards) and a member
of the Ku Klux Klan (David Duke). Remember the rallying
cry for that one? "Vote for the crook - it's important!"
However, the People's Republic of
California is working very hard to become the craziest state in
the nation politically. With millions of immigrants—legal
and illegal—to pander to, Democrats now dominate the state that
once elected Ronald Reagan as its governor. Some parts of
the state—San Francisco leaps to mind—have become so politically
correct that the lunatics are now running the asylum.
Ballot initiatives are popular in
California. Generally, these are raucous elections where
rebellious voters take matters into their own hands—an exercise
in pure democracy that James Madison once described as "mob
This mob mentality is about to
overtake the state again, as the notoriously boring and
incompetent Democrat Governor Gray Davis faces the fight of his
political life in a hastily called election to recall the man.
(Why Davis was re-elected last year to a second four-year term
is still beyond my comprehension, but he was.)
I am certainly no fan of Gray
Davis, but to my knowledge he has not committed any high crimes
or misdemeanors. Thus, in my opinion, Davis should be
allowed to stew in his own $38 billion deficit for another three
years. Why throw him out? Let him twist in the wind.
This is why we hold regular elections, and it is this orderly
transfer of power that distinguishes us from the banana
republics of the world.
That said, California voters have
changed their fickle minds yet again, and Davis is headed for
recall. Republicans appear to be ready to field an army of
candidates to take his place. But Democrats are faced with
a real dilemma: do they go down with the governor's
sinking ship of state or do they acknowledge the handwriting on
the wall and try to recruit a strong candidate of their own?
Never fear, California Democrats,
for your perfect candidate has arrived on the scene to save your
state from the vast right-wing conspiracy that Hillary says is
still out there. Larry Flynt, pornographer extraordinaire,
has decided to run for governor. The paralyzed lecher who
made a fortune showing America things Hugh Hefner wouldn't even
show (at least not in those days), is now 61 years old and wants
to be his party's standard-bearer in the upcoming free-for-all.
Yes, it's true. Flynt,
confined to a wheelchair since an assassination attempt earlier
in his illustrious career, says he intends to put his name on
the ballot. And with Democrats—especially California
Democrats—fully in support of all that Flynt has represented for
years through his "Hustler" magazine, who else could so
aptly embody the values of their party's platform?
The Hollywood Left should be
especially proud. After all, they unabashedly portrayed
their hero nobly fighting for freedom of speech against the evil
repression of the Religious Right in their docudrama "The
People versus Larry Flynt". Finally, they would have
their perfect governor embodied in a man who for thirty years
has joined them in celebrating every form of licentious
perversion known to man.
Yes, I believe this is the answer
to the question, "Who can best represent California Democrats?"
This is truly the right man in the right party at the right time
in the right state.