The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing -- Edmund Burke

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California Democrats Find Their Perfect Candidate

Doug Patton

As It Is

Doug Patton
dpatton@americasvoices.org       
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"History has tried hard to teach us that we can't have good government under politicians.  Now, to go and stick one at the very head of the government couldn't be wise."
-- Mark Twain, Pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835-1910), American writer & humorist (New York Herald, 08/26/1876)

August 5, 2003

 

For many years, when it came to politics, the wackiest place in the Union was always the great State of Louisiana, home of Huey and Earl Long—two of the most colorful politicians ever to put their names on a ballot.  Louisiana was the state that hosted a gubernatorial race between a convicted felon (former Governor Edwin Edwards) and a member of the Ku Klux Klan (David Duke).  Remember the rallying cry for that one?  "Vote for the crook - it's important!"

However, the People's Republic of California is working very hard to become the craziest state in the nation politically.  With millions of immigrants—legal and illegal—to pander to, Democrats now dominate the state that once elected Ronald Reagan as its governor.  Some parts of the state—San Francisco leaps to mind—have become so politically correct that the lunatics are now running the asylum.

Ballot initiatives are popular in California.  Generally, these are raucous elections where rebellious voters take matters into their own hands—an exercise in pure democracy that James Madison once described as "mob rule".

This mob mentality is about to overtake the state again, as the notoriously boring and incompetent Democrat Governor Gray Davis faces the fight of his political life in a hastily called election to recall the man. (Why Davis was re-elected last year to a second four-year term is still beyond my comprehension, but he was.)

I am certainly no fan of Gray Davis, but to my knowledge he has not committed any high crimes or misdemeanors.  Thus, in my opinion, Davis should be allowed to stew in his own $38 billion deficit for another three years.  Why throw him out?  Let him twist in the wind.  This is why we hold regular elections, and it is this orderly transfer of power that distinguishes us from the banana republics of the world.

That said, California voters have changed their fickle minds yet again, and Davis is headed for recall.  Republicans appear to be ready to field an army of candidates to take his place.  But Democrats are faced with a real dilemma:  do they go down with the governor's sinking ship of state or do they acknowledge the handwriting on the wall and try to recruit a strong candidate of their own?

Never fear, California Democrats, for your perfect candidate has arrived on the scene to save your state from the vast right-wing conspiracy that Hillary says is still out there.  Larry Flynt, pornographer extraordinaire, has decided to run for governor.  The paralyzed lecher who made a fortune showing America things Hugh Hefner wouldn't even show (at least not in those days), is now 61 years old and wants to be his party's standard-bearer in the upcoming free-for-all.

Yes, it's true.  Flynt, confined to a wheelchair since an assassination attempt earlier in his illustrious career, says he intends to put his name on the ballot.  And with Democrats—especially California Democrats—fully in support of all that Flynt has represented for years through his "Hustler" magazine, who else could so aptly embody the values of their party's platform?

The Hollywood Left should be especially proud.  After all, they unabashedly portrayed their hero nobly fighting for freedom of speech against the evil repression of the Religious Right in their docudrama "The People versus Larry Flynt".  Finally, they would have their perfect governor embodied in a man who for thirty years has joined them in celebrating every form of licentious perversion known to man.

Yes, I believe this is the answer to the question, "Who can best represent California Democrats?"  This is truly the right man in the right party at the right time in the right state.

 

Copyright © Copyright © 2020 by Doug Patton & America's Voices, Inc.  All rights reserved.
Doug Patton is a freelance columnist who has served as a speechwriter and policy advisor for federal, state and local candidates, elected officials and public policy organizations.  He is a senior writer at GOPUSA, and his weekly columns are published in newspapers across the country, on selected Internet websites, including www.GOPUSA.com, and on America's Voices where he writes the weekly column
"As It Is".  Doug also writes for the Talon News Service.  Readers can e-mail him at dpatton@americasvoices.org.

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